“October 1” — Student Writing Before & After

An online Chinese student of ours now attending high school in the US state of Maryland was writing about a favorite holiday of his: October 1, Mainland China’s National Day. During his time in the US and with us online, we have seen his English improve much. As is normal with Chinese students, his Mandarin interferes with his English (the National Day is excited; the Hill of the papers.) (Check here to see ways to avoid Chinglish.) Still, even in his first draft he makes his point largely clear. In this case, his online teacher Mr. Woodson talked with the student in real-time in class, made suggestions, and the student then edited his own paper during class, using the teacher’s help. This is how we help students improve their English writing online, anywhere in the world.

First Draft

October 1 is China ‘s National Day, on this day the People’ s Republic of China announced the independence of the great days.
In my memory, the arrival of the National Day is always very happy and excited, because in the long learning career, which is in addition to winter vacation than the longest holiday, 5 days! . Students together to discuss how to spend this precious and wonderful 5 days, of course, that the same as the Hill of the papers. The teacher said with a smile: “Even do not forget to do homework holidays .
In addition, in this day we will choose to travel. In this holiday anywhere, such as attractions, the station is crowded, very lively. Also, if you want to play, then make an appointment in advance.

Second Draft

October 1st is China’s National Day. On this day the People’s Republic of China announced the establishment of a New China.
In my memory, the arrival of National Day is always a very happy and exciting time, because in my whole student life, it has been the longest holiday next to winter vacation – 5 days! Students get together to discuss how to spend this precious and wonderful 5 days. Of course, they will still have lots of homework to do during the break. The teacher says with a smile: “Be sure not to forget to do homework during the holidays.”

In addition, on this day we often choose to travel. On this holiday, places like attractions and train stations are crowded and very lively. Also, if you want to visit a special place or attraction, then be sure to make your travel and hotel reservations in advance.

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