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In our online writing class, I assigned the three middle school students this topic: “A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.” –C.E.Ayers Assignment: Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are there circumstances in which it is better to lie? Plan your response, and then write an essay. In class, the students read their essay aloud, then we discuss it and I give some feedback and suggestions. This was a particularly good paper, and it is our pleasure to share it with you. Things to look for in this essay: 1. Good Hook (strong, clear introduction that makes you want to keep reading) 2. Humor 3. Use of questions 4. Use of direct quotations 5. Concrete examples that the reader can relate to 6. Clear structure (introduction, 3 points, conclusion) 7. Vivid word choice 8. End with a Bang! (Note that I used bold font to draw your attention to some very effective writing techniques. See the key below to essay and picture for explanations.) **************************************** To lie, or not to lie. That is a good question. (1 & 2) At first sight, people will say it is safer to tell the truth, but is it really? (3) Telling the truth is probably the best way to go. As my mom tells me, trust is hard to earn and easy to lose, so instead of risk lying, just simply tell the truth. Just say what happened. That way someone’s trust may not fly away, others will want to be around truth-tellers more, and simply that telling the truth is just the right thing to do. To start with, (6) many people get in trouble for lying. Chances are, everyone who is reading this has tried or attempted to not tell the truth, in order to get out of the way of trouble. (5) If the person who is asking a question finds out about the lie though, the liar is in some hot water. (7) “It is easy to lose someone’s trust, but hard to earn it back,” once said my mom, (4) when she found out that I have been using the computer way longer than the time set for me to surf on the internet. (5) I agree with that, and even though lying was not part of the sticky situation I was in mentioned above, the same phrase can be used with lying. After all, if a person trusts you and they find out that you are lying, then you might as well say good-bye to your trust. Secondly (6), would you rather be with a friend who is honest at all times, or a classmate whom you cannot trust? (3) If you get close to them, then he or she may trick you. Be honest, so others will feel more comfortable, and you are more trusted. I bet everyone on this planet would want to live in a world where everyone is trustworthy and where they can count on everyone else. The way to get other people to like and trust you is to be honest. Lastly (6), we are taught to do the “right thing” and apparently, lying, is a big no. Personally, I think that doing right, talking right, and living right are the best ways of life. Telling the truth not only makes people trust you, it is saying what had really happened. Think of all the Holocaust deniers; do they make you mad? (3) Denying such a gruesome (7) event in which many people died. Lying is basically denial of an event. If you accidentally broke Mom’s favorite vase, and you say that your sister did it, then that is putting all the blame on her. (2 & 5) If Mom finds out that you lied though, then you will get into double trouble: (7) first for the fact that the vase was broken, then for the punishment for lying. All in all, (6) it is better off telling the truth than lying because your trust may not fly away, others will want to be around you more, and simply that telling the truth is just the right thing to do. Now please answer this: Did you clean your room or shove everything under the bed yesterday? (2, 4 & 8)
Messy room (1 & 2) GREAT hook, because it is a play on words from Shakespeare, “To be or not to be,” plus it introduces the topic and catches the reader’s attention (3) Effective use of questions (4) We can quote Lincoln, Jesus or Gandhi, why not quote mom? (5) Common situations or examples we can all relate to (6) Clear structure: the author uses transitions to “take the reader by the hand” and walk step by step through the paper (7) Strong word choice (gruesome, double trouble, etc.) (2, 4 & 8) Ends with a Bang, because it is a strong ending, yet funny, and one that everyone can relate to.
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