My Hometown — Student Writing

A high school student from Hohhot, Inner Mongolia, China, recently took an online 1 on 1 English class with me. We focused on his writing skills. He wrote to introduce his hometown to me; he read it out loud in class; then I made some suggestions to improve the English, which he edited on his computer screen for me to see in real time. Below you can see the BEFORE and AFTER papers.

 
1. When I live in the Hohhot which is a city surrounding the mounts, I always climb the mounts with my parents on the weekend. Walking on mounts, it make me feel comfortable, because the air is very fresh and not much noise. Except that, when I see the mounts, I can relax. Afternoon we can find a river and sit near it to barbecue. It is a real to relax. Although it is a tried day, it can lessen my stress.

2. When I live in Hohhot, a city surrounded by mountains, I always climb the mountains with my parents on the weekends. Hiking makes me feel wonderful, because the air is incredibly fresh and I enjoy the quiet. In addition, when I see the mountains, I can relax. In the afternoon we can find a river and sit near it to barbecue. My family grills sausages, beef, and we always have mutton. We have iced tea out of a can to go with our meal. I do not like the smoke from the grill but I love the eating. It is a great opportunity to relax. Although it is a tiring day, it can lessen my stress.

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