| Here is a book report that a student of ours, a middle schooler at the National Experimental High School in Hsinchu, Taiwan wrote. He read the book in English and wrote this all by himself!
This is the student’s “before” copy, his original draft. The Boxcar Children- The Deserted Library Mystery The Aldens came to an old library for saving it from torn down. The children soon found several mysteries in the library. As they find the way to solve the problem, some strange thing starts to happen, someone is stealing their food and someone is trying to destroy the library. But who? This book is different from other Boxcar Children story .In other book the Aldens are always safe. But in this book, a bad guy tried to kidnap the Aldens. The Aldens were very brave. They helped the police too catch the thief that tried to kidnap them. That made the story very interesting and exciting. I feel very sorry and happy for Miguel. I feel sorry for Miguel because at first he thought that his father died and ran away to the library. I feel happy for Miguel is because the Aldens found him, and they helped him to find his dad (that really didn’t die) and their grandfather bought a ship for his dad too. ************** This student and I have worked together for several years now, and this semester he and I work together in a 1 on 1 class. He reads the book by himself and writes the report independently too. Then, during class time, we read his report together and discuss some ways to make it even better. I like his use of short sentences (But who?) and how he contrasts this book with most from the series (In other books the Aldens are always safe.) Notice how we added more details (why the grandfather wanted them to clean the library; how Jessie fought to get away from Jack, etc.). We also tried to “juice up” some word choice (replace “interesting” with “fascinating”). Also, we try not to introduce a new idea at the very end and leave it “hanging,” so we explained a bit more about why the grandfather bought Miguel’s dad a fishing boat. The Boxcar Children-The Deserted Library Mystery The Aldens came to Rock Falls because their grandfather wanted them to clean the library in the hope that it would become a local landmark. So the children came to the old library by the sea to keep it from being torn down. However the kids soon found several mysteries in the library. As they thought of ways to save the library, some strange things started to happen. Someone was stealing their food and trying to destroy the library. But who? This book is different from other Boxcar Children stories. In other books the Aldens are always safe. But in this book, a bad guy tried to kidnap the Aldens. However, the children were very brave. For example, the bad guy, Jack, tried to kidnap Jessie by throwing a big bag over her head, but she kicked him and got away. They later helped the police catch Jack. That made the story fascinating and exciting. I feel both sorry and happy for Miguel. I feel sorry for Miguel because at first he thought that his father had died and so he ran away to the library. However I also feel happy for Miguel because the Aldens found him and helped him find his dad (who really had not died) and the Aldens’ grandfather bought a ship for Miguel’s dad too. Miguel’s father was a fisherman so he needed the boat to provide for his family. I really appreciate the grandfather’s generosity. *********************** We can help you with your writing skills too! Adult, college student, or child, we have a program for YOU! Contact us today at Scott@DreyerCoaching.com or visit our webpage. Since 2010, based in the friendly USA State of Virginia, DreyerCoaching.com has been providing customized, high-quality, real-time language instruction via the internet to a global audience in their home, school, or office. Think how comfortable, confident and successful you or your child will feel, receiving personalized guidance from college-educated teachers who are native speakers and have bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral degrees plus decades of teaching experience. Whether you are looking for help with the ABCs or the SATs, or college admissions to conversational English to business writing, we serve all ages and levels to help our students make dreams come true. Discover the Dreyer Difference. Take the first step and visit DreyerCoaching.com, send Scott an email, or schedule a free consultation to get started. 自 2010 年以来，DreyerCoaching.com 总部位于友好的美国弗吉尼亚州，一直通过互联网向全球观众在家中、学校或办公室提供有制度的、高质量的实时语言教学。 想想您或您的孩子会感到多么自在、自信和成功，从受过大学教育的教师那里获得个别的指导，这些教师都是以英语为母语，拥有学士、硕士和博士学位，以及数十年的教学经验的教师。 无论是从 英语ABC的基础课程 或 SAT 的帮助，就读美国高中，大学入学申请，还是从会话英语到商务写作，我们都为所有年龄和水平的学生提供服务，帮助我们的学生实现梦想。 发觉 Dreyer 的不同之处。 迈出第一步，游览 DreyerCoaching.com网站，向 Scott 发送电子邮件，可开始安排一个免费咨询。 |
We can help you too! (Before & After Writing Sample)
