My Summer Vacation

This is from Tim, a student in Hsinchu, Taiwan, who went to Singapore with his family. His essay is a part of a larger paper on the whole week there, but here is just focuses on one day. I particularly enjoy seeing him find his writing “voice,” the longer he is in my writing class. Note how he uses several short, verbless sentences. Single-word sentences even. I also liked his use of questions, dialogue, and how he uses humor to describe the hassles of long waits in lines. Notice his hook. Rather than say, “I was afraid,” he uses words to paint a picture: “My heart was pounding and my blood was throbbing in my veins”. When Tim read his essay to us in class, one of his classmates laughed and pointed out how Tim used several words his English class had learned from their “Wordly Wise” vocabulary books (a series we also use at DreyerCoaching.com.)

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The afternoon was for Universal Studios. My heart was pounding and my blood was throbbing in my veins. How would I know that Universal Studios meant fun and torment at the same time? We took the Sentosa Express again, and this time, we headed for Universal Studios Station. I arrived at the entrance and my jaw dropped with excitement. Frankly, the music matched the scenery so well that you become a part of the picture. As we walked in, I must say this was pure magic. I felt like an interloper who walked into a flawless picture.

Universal Studios

At first we did not decide what we were going to ride first, and we just walked haphazardly into Sci-fi city. Sci-fi city was the section where all the big rides were located. Talking about big, I actually meant massive. There were two roller coasters located in the middle. These two twirling masses, one red, one blue, were so large and coiled together they just look like a battle between the red and the blue. Glancing it for a while, I found that the red one was not actually not that scary. However, the blue one looks just way too scary, even in a glance. The streets were so crowded with people that we must walked slowly to not bump into people. I had no idea where we were heading, and I was just following them. They might be following me, though, as all of us seemed to be walking aimlessly; it was impossible to tell. We finally decided to go on the 3D Transformers ride. The ride did not look like it was popular. This was an illusion. Walking in, we waited outside for a while. Then, we enter the entrance of the ride. We were led into a small room. There were more people. Another room. More people. Room. People. If unending corridors could be used to describe one thing and only one thing, this was it.
At one point I felt like we were tricked into walking in an circular labyrinth.

My cells were bursting in the seemingly slowing time. My legs were dying in the suffocating room. People. That’s all that was there.
Finally, we got on to the ride. It was relieving, for my legs and brain. Sanity returned to me, as well as a sense of realness.
The ride wasn’t too bad, but there isn’t really much to say about it. The effects were real and the movie was thrilling, but it was nothing compared to the red. Which I rode later.

It scared me. Badly.

After this ride they decided to go for the red, they meaning other children excluding me and my brother Ian. They went up. We stayed down. There was a sign saying that they would need to wait approximately forty minutes, so I whipped out my kindle and started reading. My brother was just sitting there and glancing at nothing.

Approximately thirty minutes later, my cousin’s friend’s dad came by, along with other adults. They started interrogating us why we didn’t go.

We are afraid.

The started ranting about how this could be a memorable experience and valuable adventure. I was moved, a bit. My brother? Not quite. Then, I decided, just like the other important decisions I made in my life, to try it once. It might meant for me to conquer my worst fears, but it was definitely worth the try. I waited in queue for about one hour. The hour was a long hour strapped with fear and anxiety. Listening to the horrid screams of the passengers, the time was almost an encumbrance that’s unbearable. When it was finally my turn, I was shaking. My head was screaming and my nerves were trembling. I took a seat in the middle part of the roller coaster where it was said to be the least scariest. I tightened my seatbelt and waited for a few minutes which seemed like ages. The roller coaster started to move slowly, yet my heart was racing. It slowly climbed. At the climax, the roller coaster fell, down and down to the earth. It pulled up again. In twirling tracks of death it spun. Finally, it reached its final destination and halted. I felt better. Mentally.

After the ride, I felt like I’ve overcame something. Fear? I couldn’t really say what it was, but I definitely felt great.

After this, we went to Jurassic World for a ride. We were put on a car and then set adrift to discover the impressive Jurassic dinosaurs. The ride came to an exciting point where we were floating slowly in a tunnel dark as the abyss. Suddenly, we heard screeching high sounds of dinosaurs. An elevator lifted us up, high. On top of us, there was a realistic T-Rex, staring at us with mouth open. We didn’t fall for it, but it was creepy. The eyes looked as if it was alive, staring at its dinner. Suddenly, the gate opened and we slid down a steep slide. It was shockingly scary, but over in a extremely short time.
We spent the rest of the day riding less exciting rides, except for the Revenge of the Mummy. We rode a ride with the theme of Puss in Boots, but the Revenge of the Mummy was way more interesting. Since we rode the Revenge of the Mummy fifteen minutes before the park closed, we didn’t have to wait in line. This time, I took my brother Ian along me. He was very hesitant about riding this attraction, but he finally decided to give it a go.

We rode in a car that took us to a hidden tomb where we fight the evil spirit that had been accidentally released. After a few seconds, we were taken to a room made of Egyptian bricks. Virtual bugs started swarming from a hole on the wall. When our eyes were fixed on the bugs, the car suddenly tilted and we dropped backwards. People screamed due to surprise. Then we were riding on this crazy roller coaster where I couldn’t see where I was heading. Absolute darkness surrounded us, except for sporadic lightnings and evil laughs. After that, there was a part of the track where there were sudden burst of flames. The effects are fantastic.

We left Universal Studios soon.

In this trip to Universal Studios, I found that I’ve changed: I became more patient (anyone would become patient if he or she waited for hours in line), and most importantly, I am willing to try out new things more. This trip to Singapore really pushed me to try out thing that I dare not to try out before. I felt that this trip to Universal Studios is definitely worth the price we paid (including killing millions of muscle cells in my leg).

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This essay is from Cindy, also in Hsinchu, Taiwan. Her approach to the same essay topic differs from Tim. Whereas Tim wrote a detailed description of one day, Cindy chose to write a briefer overview of the whole summer. Both approaches work–it depends on the effect you want to have, as a writer. I like her use of figurative language: “As my summer sank into the ocean of books and homework,…’

The Best Part of My Summer

So my summer started out normally enough, and after a few days the routine became boring. While there was not much laughter due to my grandfather’s death, I soon find myself with nothing interesting to do. No family travels, no special events to attend.

Hoping to give myself something to do, I began to take many different courses, such as chemistry and physics. My teachers and parents did not put this on me. I chose it for one simple reason: I have a hard time relaxing when I have too much free time. Ironic, but true.

As my summer sank into the ocean of books and homework, leisure time played an important role. When free time is rare, I learn to cherish it and to really put it to productive use. I played sports, like badminton, exercising not only my brain but also my muscles. I listened to music, all kinds of music. I read novels, putting myself into a brand new world. I watched TV series, getting myself used to other customs around the world. By spending much time on my own, I learned to be more aware of my thoughts and understand who I truly am.

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So here are two fine examples of student writing. Do you want to improve YOUR English writing? Join one of our ONLINE classes— we bring the USA to you!

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