Before & After: Student Writing-- "2016 Election Surprises"Written by Scott Dreyer
In one of my advanced-level writing classes I asked a student for a brief report on some surprising aspect from the 2016 US elections. Below you can find his first draft then the revised version we discussed and edited in class. (This is how we teach writing online with DreyerCoaching.com: we give the students a topic, they write at home, in the next class the student reads it aloud, we see the essay via "share screen," then the teacher and classmates give suggestions, which the student edits in real-time.) A few of my thoughts:
1. "There were dramas" as a plural sounds like lots of plays on the stage, so we changed it to singular: "there was drama."
As the 2016 presidential election in the US came to an end, there were dramas occurring everywhere: some people are celebrating, while other people are protesting and crying. Is Donald Trump, the president-elect, going to run the government smoothly and his administration effectively? We'll see. However, Donald Trump winning the polls is definitely a surprise to most people, especially those who were living in the east and west coast (California especially). There are a few surprising facts that would make you ponder about the nature of democracy and the phenomenon seen in this election. First, Donald Trump won the Electoral votes 279 to 228. However, Trump lost the popular vote by two hundred thousand votes. Also, Trump won much more minority and women votes than expected. In comparison, Clinton did not win enough minority vote to convert some of the states into her favour. All in all, 2016 is a year full of surprises, upsets, and joy. Whether Donald Trump is going to be a reputable president we know not. However, we should adjust our mindset and unite to and create a better future.
--Tim in Hsinchu, Taiwan
--Tim in Hsinchu, Taiwan
A licensed teacher in the US state of Virginia since 1987, Scott Dreyer has been helping Chinese speakers improve their English since 1989. Dreyer lived in Taiwan from 1989-1999 where he learned Mandarin, met his wife, started his family, and realized he loved working with Chinese students. He became an award-winning author and started teaching ESL online in 2008. Dreyer and his wife and their four adult children make their home in the beautiful Roanoke Valley in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia.dreyercoaching.com/en/about/scott-dreyer
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